Alrighty then guys, so leme just say right off the bat that even though I dont shoot alot, or have an incredibly huge or impressive portfolio, or make a living off of my photography, I count myself as a photographer, and an artist.
Constantly thinking about shutter speeds, Fstops, ISO, ambient vs studio lighting, locations, themes, pricing, branding, equipment, if Im not talking about it, Im thinking about it.
If you see me sitting still doing nothing, or I go quiet all of a sudden, Im probably either sleeping with my eyes open or thinking about anything to do with photography and what my next step has to be.
We all get in our little down moods, its human nature, but when all the answers to all the questions your asking point to more money, more time, more this, more that, it gets exhausting.
With so much to know, and no knowledge where to start, and, or, no money to pay for that knowledge, it has turned me to the internet, a large, dark, scary place full of NeWbZ and rOfLkOpTeRs along with all the other garbage found here.
But there is light at the end of the tunnel (or behind my LCD's in my computer screen in this case) and that light is so inspiring that I cant stop looking.
This has fueled my love and passion of people and photographing them. Where Im going to take this? Only time will tell, and that has alot to do as to how hard I push it I know.
But with so many obsticles in my way, even as small as what lens do I need for the job?Am I using the right lights? Is there such a thing as right or wrong?
So many other questions, so many dark places to lurk and try and help myself at this amazingly huge all you can eat buffet known as the Internet.
Im tired, tired of constantly thinking and not knowing which direction to go, who to talk to and who to ask for help.
Wondering if my mentors and inspirations have that look or style to their art because they were faced with the same limitations of gear, lack of creativity, or lack of open minded people to take photos of.
Did the worlds top landscape photographers become landscape photographers because they have incredibly bad social skills? Or was it because they just didnt know how to use lighting set ups?
Do the portrait artists I adore and follow have that certain look and feel that makes their work stand out from all the others because they dont know how to white balance? or color correct? or anything else that you can think of?
Should I throw in the towel and go and do a TAFE course in I.T and sit behind a desk the rest of my life telling people to turn the computer off and try again, and just take photos of my kids and have all my friends think of me the way they think of me now and that is, Ryan, that guy with the nice camera.
Should I be offended when someone I know approaches me and says "Hey man, you got a nice looking camera, could you shoot my wedding?" assuming that because I have spent a certain amount of money on a camera, or that it "looks pro" that the photos that are produced by this portable computer with a mini telescope attached to it are going to look good? And that it has nothing to do with knowing what adjustments to make or what buttons to push and when to push them?
If only we could all pay the un relentless pile of bills that we all gather by "looking pro" or looking impressive.
Ever feel youve reached the end before you ever even began the race?
The video I've included from one of my favourite photographers Zack Arias, sums me up, not my lifestyle that Zack has, but more along the lines of the questions, the feelings and the mood that wanting something and being creative and not knowing where to go or who to turn to can create, or in his case, reaching what many people only dream of and work so hard to achieve only to fail, and yet still find yourself asking if your worthy? Is it all real? What the heck do I do next?
People like Zack Arias, Chase Jarvis, Lithium Picnic, all these people that have inspired thousands, if not more, Im sure all questioning themselves, abilities, or choices.
After watching Zack post this video, but continue to stay in the game is incredibly empowering.
Chase is always so upbeat, positive, creative, and fun, which is something Im still trying to dig down and find within.
Watching Lithium Picnic on twitter, doubt if hes "Still got it" or not, and thinking about maybey just taking one long ass break is a very scary thought.
I know that these photographer / internet personalities know they have lots of people interested / following their every online move, but I wonder if they actually know what sort of an impact they have on the people they have opened up their lives to?
From people like me, who live in a small western suburbs town, lacking so many things that I could really do with right about now, surrounded by people mowing their lawns on sunday mornings, coming home, cooking dinner, watching TV and going to sleep, because, well, thats just what you do right?
Gotta keep pushing, until I hit the first goal, to be paid to take photos, the photos I want to take. But then what? push to get more clients? push for more gear? push to move to a different country that I think just MIGHT help me in so many ways?
Who knows?
But for now, an incredible video from Zack Arias, that Im sure all people, both creative and "regular" alike all feel at some stage.
Ryan.